Preparing for the Fabulous (?) Fours

OK. I wasn’t prepared for the difficulties of parenting a three-year-old. I thought that after “the terrible twos” it would be easy sailing. But I was wrong. So, I have been thinking about getting Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful by Louise Bates Ames (the same author as Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy which I very much recommend), but the reviews on this one are very mixed. So, I’d like to see it in person first. I’d love to hear other book suggestions.

I have just started reading Positive Discipline for Preschoolers: For Their Early Years–Raising Children Who are Responsible, Respectful, and Resourceful (Positive Discipline Library) by Jane Ed.D. Nelsen, which covers ages 3 – 6. I’m only on Chapter 6, but the ideas presented so far are working pretty well right now. The advice is compatible with Noel Janis-Norton’s Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting advice and that of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, but is even *more* positive that those methods. You still “prepare for success” and use talk-throughs and descriptive praise, but NO punishments and NO rewards. Instead you invite the child to ”focus on solutions”, and give “positive time-outs” (in which the parent offers to accompany the child) when emotions are high. I haven’t yet wrapped my mind around the idea of going into time out with my little offender, and I still threaten her with punishment. But I’m involving her in problem solving more often, and that has de-escalated a few situations that could have gotten ugly pretty quickly.

Best of luck,
Tara